


Barking up the Wrong Tree

by Ulawan5



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M, I don't really know if he's a troll or not you can think what you want, Post-Sburb/Sgrub, Swearing got it the rating, another phone fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-13
Updated: 2014-12-13
Packaged: 2018-03-01 07:35:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2765000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ulawan5/pseuds/Ulawan5
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jade and Karkat argue about climbing trees.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Barking up the Wrong Tree

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this a year ago in Notepad while sitting in a Micro Center parking lot. Yes it's absurdly short.

She is a gift and you know it.  
She's just sitting there looking out from that goddamned tree kicking her feet in that huge-ass skirt and has no idea what she's doing to you.  Your chest is practically glowing at the sight of her.  
"Karkat, why won't you come up with me?" Jade pouts her lips and pats the branch next to her.  
"Because, my tremendous girth will first bend the tree like a flirtatious schoolgirl taunting a jock, then send you plummeting to earth as well like said jock's brain. It's how gravity fucking works on a large mass."  
"Oh please, you're not fat, you're just right!" She squishes her own cheeks in the absence of yours.  
You roll your eyes, but she's already falling before you look back, and promptly lose your shit.  
Of course, as has convinced you of her islander heritage time and again, she lands in a spiderman-esque pose without a scratch. She holds out a wood-scratched hand, "wanna climb back up with me?"   
"Jesus H. Christ on a pogo stick Jade. A) the fuck did you survive a 20 foot drop, and B) what makes you think I would survive regaining that altitude?"  
"It's called practice, and you won't get any unless you climb more trees. Now come on!"  
She pulls you along anyways while you struggle and protest, but she winds up latching to the tree all the same. "Now you try, see? Your hands go here, and your shoes' treads hold your weight along with your upper arm strength supporting you."  
"Jade you know full well I can not do a pull up, nor do I want to ruin this shirt.”

“So, you're going to let a girl best you at tree climbing?”

“Damn straight.”

 


End file.
